It is almost 10 months since I ceased to be a mom. I mean, a REAL, hands-on, 24-7 mom. I think about it less and less; when I do think about it, it is hard to imagine living through it, especially those last very difficult weeks.
But lately (never begin a sentence with a preposition) I've been feeling like an outsider with regard to typical 'mom' stuff--as it is thrown in your face at this time of year. Backpacks and notebooks on sale (remember when "Trapper Keepers" were a must-have item?). Back-to-school sales. For many years of my parenting, these events were anticipatory in a positive, exciting way. Eventually, they became almost an exercise in futility, a ritual that was followed, grudgingly and with much prodding on my part, for the sake of following it more than because it would accomplish anything.
New clothes, new backpacks, pens, binders--these do nothing without intrinsic motivation.
Today, I waited in the dentist's office to see if a very much abused tooth could be ressurected one more time. In the waiting area were mothers with kids--fitting in that late summer checkup before school begins, along with scheduling nightmares. My 'child' was here just last week--but it was not I who brought him. It is almost as though HE was janked out of my life like my tooth will, sooner rather than later, have to be yanked out of my jaw.
Sitting in the dentist's chair, waiting for an x-ray to be taken, I strained over humming machines and banter among staff, to hear the radio, which had suddenly caught my ear. In an office that usually is playing "Mix of the 70's, 80's and 90's!" (i.e. ear pablum) the sounds of Nirvana, Kurt Cobain, and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" were filtering in.
For a moment, I thought it seemed mystical, like a communication of some sort...but then my cynical side, which increased in amplitude when I passed it along genetically to my son, reminded me that that was a stupid idea...
"Trapper-Keepers" are still a must-have item... but these days they're cloth bound binders. My son has been begging for one all summer long.
Posted by: Sara J. | August 16, 2005 at 06:44 AM
This list of required school supplies keeps going up. Pretty soon, parents will have to buy a case of toilet paper. We already have to buy water, paper towels, kleenex, etc, etc.
You got out of the full-time, 24/7 mother role just in time. :-)
Really, that's not true. You're always a mother 24/7. Just imagine if you child called right now and asked for your advice...
Peace,
Bob
Posted by: psychoBOB | August 17, 2005 at 06:44 PM